Balancing Work and a Sick Baby

I’m pretty lucky when it comes to the job department.  My agency I work for is very understanding when it comes to employees dealing with family obligations and emergencies.  This is extremely important to me as being the wife of a weatherman doesn’t allow for flexibility with schedules very often.  When the weather is crazy, or no one else is around to work, sometimes there’s no way to get out of work, even for a family situation.

Even though my company is very family centered, the work I do is very time sensitive.  Certain times of the year it is also hard for me to take time off.  Things had worked out without any problems until this fall.

Anderson had just started going to daycare.  About a month into our daycare experience she came home with a temperature.  Then later that night I noticed little red marks on certain parts of her body.  After doing some research online we figured out she had hand, foot and mouth disease, which was later confirmed when we also learned another kid at daycare had gone home the day before with the same illness. 

 

On a normal work day I would have been able to stay home and take care of our baby; however a very important state meeting was taking place.  JC and I had been asked to speak at this meeting on media and prevention.  It was even a paid gig (for JC).  There was no way to get out of the work commitment without making a very bad impression with colleagues.  Plus I had been preparing for the presentation for a month now.  Did I want to squander a career opportunity?

Thankfully, we were able to find a compromise called Mimi, who came to watch Anderson for a few hours during our speaking engagement. 

Before this Fall I had never had to make a choice between family and work.  Of course as a mother I wanted to be with my daughter.  I will always put her before anything or anyone else.  But as a professional, who’s worked hard to advance in my career field, I didn’t want to give up on the opportunity to present at a state-wide conference.    

Working mothers and parents in general, truly have such a balancing act to conquer between work and family.  Our hearts tell us to do one thing for our families, but our minds know what we have to do to provide for our family, and fulfill our career ambitions. 

Finding the balance between focusing on my career and being a Mommy is something I’m not sure I will ever find.  I just try to cherish moments at home with my daughter, and enjoy the high points in my career, like being honored to present at a state-wide conference with my husband.

Mommy Misadventures: The day I had on mismatched shoes..

I’m definitely not a morning person and never have been.  Before baby I loved being able to sleep in on the weekends.  Of course now that is ancient history.  No matter what day of the week it is I’m usually up by seven. 

Due to my distaste of getting up early in the mornings, I tend to be rushing around each day trying to get myself out the door looking halfway put together for work. 

For Anderson’s one year Doctor checkup it was a typical morning rush to get dressed and out of the house.  We had scheduled an early morning appointment so both JC and I could accompany Miss A for her milestone visit.  Doctor visits are never quick, so it takes some real effort to keep a one year old occupied for 30 minutes or more, wearing only her diaper, in a cramped room. 

Since her milestone birthday Miss A had been working to meet her next big achievement, walking.  To pass time in the room, we walked back and forth across the room, over and over.

During one of our trips across the floor, I looked down and realized I had on shoes that did not match! 

“Seriously, I have on two pairs of shoes!”  I told JC.  His response, of course, was laughter.

In that situation, that was the best thing to do.  I know for a fact I’m not the only mother that has accidentally walked out of the house with two different, but very similar, shoes on.  In some way it could even be considered a rite of passage for working mommy’s.

During the appointment I kept my shoes tucked underneath the chair when possible, and quickly drove home to find the right match for my shoe before heading to work. 

The moral of the story is: laughter is the best medicine.  Sometimes life has its way of throwing a curve ball at you, but it’s best to just laugh it off (when it's not too serious), take care of what you need to and move on.  Life is too short to dwell on the small stuff.  In this instance, a mismatched pair of shoes is not really that serious.

Also, I need to get up earlier and give myself more time to get ready in the morning (or buy new shoes that don’t look similar).

Daycare Dilemma

Being a mother has many challenges.  Some are things that were expected, like the early morning wake up calls, or dirty diaper dilemmas; however one thing that I never expected to be as complicated as it is: finding affordable daycare that meets my standards.

Our family’s work situation is not the normal 8 to 5 schedule.  With JC working in TV News, he works a second shift schedule.  This means he goes into work in the early afternoon and gets off late at night.  In theory, you would think this would be great for our budget.  We only have to have a babysitter for about 3 to 4 hours a day during the gap when we are both at work.  In our naïve pre-baby world, we thought it would be no problem finding a daycare provider for that short period of time.  Fast forward almost a year later, and we are still trying to find that “perfect” daycare situation – that doesn’t leave us with an empty wallet. 

We did have some luck.  The past seven months a reliable college student has been watching Anderson.  A second job and upcoming class schedule has changed her availability.  We are back to square one.

In the past year, we’ve visited a couple home daycare providers.  All of which have not been right for our family.  We’ve called many more – all are either full or have a waiting list.  The bigger daycare facilities in town are very expensive – much more than our budget can handle. 

I hear stories from other parents who love their child’s daycare provider.  The child learns so much and enjoys spending time at daycare.  I hope for that for Anderson because that’s what I was lucky enough to experience growing up with my babysitter.

Patsy was our babysitter/nanny.  To leave her title at that is leaving a lot unsaid.  She was much more than a babysitter, and still is despite much time and distance that has passed.  Patsy’s house was like my own house.  Our family’s spent holidays together and many evenings at sporting events.  When I think back to my childhood so many memories of Patsy and our days together come to mind. 

I realize that my experience is not normal for many families with babysitters.  My Mom and Dad were lucky enough to be friends with a wonderful lady who was in the situation to take care of me.  JC and I aren’t in that type of position (believe me; we’ve racked our brains trying to think of people to turn to – and nothing).   

Even though I know Anderson won’t have the “Patsy” experience that I did – I hope she will find a daycare provider that is caring, fun and kind.  I want her to look back on her childhood and remember fun times learning how to write her name, play outside and interact with other children at the babysitter.  To be able to find the right daycare provider is going to take time, patience and a lot of effort.  We won’t settle for just anyone, and finding that perfect daycare provider has proved to be a test in itself.

Any advice for us as we continue our daycare provider hunt? 

Balancing Life as a Mom

When you become a parent, you also become the point of interest for much unsolicited advice on the topic.  Co-workers, friends, family and people you don’t even know feel the need to pass along all of their parenting and child-rearing advice.  I always listen, with an open-mind.  A lot of the advice has actually been helpful. 

Now, after going through the pregnancy and newborn stage there are pieces of advice that I want to write down for me to keep in mind in case another Baby Fultz is added to our family in the future. 

One piece of advice that in my experience has been completely overlooked when talking about parenting issues, and has been the most difficult thing for me since becoming a working mother, is learning how to balance everything on my plate and still feel like I’m being a good Mom.

After eight weeks staying home with Miss A, I headed back to work.  Staying home wasn’t an option for our family at this point in time.  Plus, I truly like my job.  I enjoy working with students, teaching about topics I feel strongly about (prevention of substance abuse and leading healthy lifestyles) and meeting new people through work as part of my public relations duties. 

Family visit over lunch break!

The exhaustion from commuting, traveling on the job and having to focus on work for 8 plus hours a day, going home to take care of a baby and then continuing with all of the normal housework and family obligations has been a challenge to say the least.  The first week back at work I was a zombie because of the new schedule – not because I had a baby at home keeping me up. 

Now that I’ve been back at work for six months, learning how to balance everything has not gotten any easier.  I have figured out how to deal with the exhaustion a little better, even though it does catch up to me at times; however I still have not learned how to work in some time to exercise, or do any of the hobbies that I used to enjoy.  Our dining room table has had scrapbook supplies covering it for months now that I just can’t seem to ever get to. 

Happy girl on her 8 month birthday!

 

I wonder if I will ever feel like I can successfully manage all of the things that I want to do, and have to do (who really wants to do dishes and the laundry), and also get my quality Anderson time.  It’s a real challenge since I already feel like I don’t have enough time with her during the week. 

It’s a struggle that I know some other Mom’s deal with as well. 

After months of hearing unsolicited advice, I’m now asking for it.  How do you find a good balance with work, Mom duties and personal interests/hobbies?

Lessons Learned While Away from Baby A

Our first family mini-vacation in February to Washington, D.C. not only marked our first travel adventure, but also marked my first time away from Baby A.  I was excited about being able to experience a new city with my new family; however I was also very nervous, scared and emotional about being away from the little one for the final leg of the trip.

As the weekend wilted away I became sadder about being left behind.  I was also nervous for JC as he was going to be flying home with our then 5 month old baby alone, traveling through a new airport.

The morning of their departure arrived.  I woke up with a knot of emotions in my stomach.  We all walked down to the lobby.  I hugged and kissed my baby and husband, while trying to hold back tears as I watched them pull away from the hotel curb.  Even as I write this now I get teary-eyed thinking back to this moment.  It was hard.  I had to stop by the bathroom before entering the conference to compose myself.

The next three days passed fairly quickly.  I was busy learning, meeting people and spending time with friends and colleagues.  I, of course, missed my family at home, but it was such a luxury to be able to sleep in until 8 a.m. or eat dinner at a restaurant without having to plan ahead for what baby might need during the outing.  I was able to lie in bed watching Netflix during my downtime and actually stay out socializing past 9 o’clock!

Every day I spent time on the phone or Facetime chatting with my family back home.  During those moments, I missed them the most.  But it was worth the heartache to see the beautiful smile on my baby’s face.

There were a few things this trip made me realize:

1.) Time away is good and needed.  After the trip I was so excited to see my family.  It made me energized to spend nights up with a cranky baby or tackle the loads of laundry I was likely going home to. 

2.)  I also saw how important it is to spend time doing things for me.  As a working Mom I sometimes struggle with this balance.  I cherish the moments I have with Miss A and feel guilty if I decide to go to lunch with a girlfriend or get a pedicure.  The precious time on the weekend is the most time I get with her each week.  I realized an hour or two away from Anderson for “me” time is something that is deserved and needed every once in a while. 

3.)  I don’t miss life as a “single” person.  Those luxuries from my “single” life are nice, but being a parent is so much better.  I love waking up early because it means I’m waking up to a precious little girl who always has a smile and hug for me – and the downtime I had I usually got a little bored.  Life is so much more interesting and fun with a little one.  I wouldn’t trade being a Mommy for anything.

Working Mommy

Eight weeks.  It seems like a long time.  But looking back at my two month maternity leave I spent at home with my daughter, I realize it was definitely not long enough.

Before Anderson arrived I never thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I was sure I would be happy to stay in the workforce, putting my college degree to use.  I have always enjoyed being around people, wearing something besides sweatpants, and being creative.  Now after being back at work for a week, I realize that mothers who get to stay at home have the best job and are extremely lucky. 

 

While on maternity leave there were many days that would be filled with smiles, cuddles and lots of naps; however there were other days that were filled with many cries, blow-out diapers and spit up.  No matter what the day brought, I tried to cherish every moment because I knew that I only had a short time with my days spent dedicated to Anderson.

The transition back to work has been okay for all of us.  The baby-sitter is working out well and I’m getting back into the swing of sitting behind a computer for a good portion of my day.  Even though things are working out fine, it doesn’t mean I don’t miss her every day.  I hope that I will still be able to witness her first time rolling over, the first belly laugh and the many other "firsts" developmental milestones she will experience over the next few years.

 

If I had to rewind the clock and re-do my maternity leave I would do a few things a little differently.  I would be less concerned with getting the laundry and dishes washed and the house cleaned and more concerned about being lazy and sucking in every moment of my mommy-daughter time.  I would make sure to show her off to visitors, but be okay with declining visits to be able to carve out more time for myself to spend with our baby.  I’ve realized even though I may live in the same house with her, I only get to know her as an infant for a short time – and time goes by so quickly.

So as I continue my journey as a working woman, and now working mommy, I join a new group of women who try to do it all at home and from the office.  Of course there's a little help along, such as caffeinated drinks and dark eye makeup to hide marks of sleepless nights.  Returning to work has made me appreciate my mother even more.  She did it all, working all of her adult life while raising two children (and doing a great job at it). 

Full of smiles for Mom!

I also try to remember a piece of advice a good friend told me, that being a working Mom will only make every moment spent with your child that much more special.  I have found her words of advice so true, especially when I get to go home after work and cuddle with my sweet daughter.  I cherish those moments of mommy-daughter time!